paul the trapeze

i was looking at my yard today and thinking about how my yard is a pretty good analogy for my health. its never been a very good yard- always had more weeds than grass and its full of limestone- but it was at least okay. then it got wrecked by flooding and careless trucks getting stuck in it and a big-ass tow truck thing having to come and practically destroy it to get the trucks out. its a swampland now and everytime it looks like it might be getting dryer and more back to itself, the rain comes again and makes it back into a swamp.


i've been taking the prilosec for my tummy problems and it does absolutely nothing. i'll keep taking it just to make sure, but i don't think i even have acid reflux. my doctor carelessly diagnosed me without even listening to all my symptoms. she's an interrupter and trying to talk to her is just like trying to play charades with someone who shouts out a guess before you've barely begun miming and continues to shout out the same thing over and over no matter what you do. i have gotten the pains to get better, at least, but to do so i have to pretty much stop eating. but now that i'm not eating much anymore the dizzyness, back prickles, and picasso vision have returned. i feel like i'm about to collapse at any moment, but the only alternative is to eat and endure excruciating pain. *shrug*

that's it, i'm moving to canada.