rhymes with divan

i changed my profile song while i was high today. peggy lee is one of hayley's favorites. i'm actually still high... weeee I LOVE ALL OF YOUS!!!!!! god, i love these narcotics. and i love my rats. and i love my friends, and i love zebras, and i love flowers, and i love soap. and i love my t-shirt.... you get the idea. i have to take drugs to clean my rat cages now cause the pain gets to be too much for lifting the cagey part off the base part. i swear i'll get a picture of the cages someday and then you'll understand. they're about 3 feet tall each. they are the most pretty-ful rat cages evar. and, guess what? i love them!!! but those rats have to learn not to pull off my glasses or crawl in my shirt while i'm trying to wipe off their floors. silly beasties.


walter was over last night to watch another heather mattarazzo movie he found, all i wanna do. but his disc had a crack in it so we ended up watching monk instead. but i love walter! he swept my floors some even though he's pretty clumsy with a broom. he's coming back for my birthday on aug. 7. i think we're gonna go to red lobster in austin cause i love fishies!!!
 
i guess there isn't really a point to this blog, just that i'm high and i like to talk to people when i'm high but since no one was around... don't worry, i still love you!!!

consuming slime potions

new harry potter book! i like this one. because they aren't confined to hogwart's anymore, anything is possible and i'm really enjoying the change in scene and change in scene and change in scene. i'm not going to say anymore cause you might not have read it yet...

new harry potter movie! i didn't care for it. i think they emphasized events in the book that could've been omitted and omitted events that should have been included. and, of course they unnecessarily made things up, too. stupid hollywood people. they never learn! the plot was perfect already, why change it? i understand that it must have been a hard decision how to translate that particular book into a movie, just becasue its so huge. i really liked the luna character. i think they cast her well, but is it just me, or does emma watson get more and more un-hermione-ish with every film? she was great in the first one, then they smoothed her hair out and now i'm pretty sure she's blonde. Hermione Is Not BLONDE!!! nononono! bad hair people! bad! she's *supposed* to be unattractive. argh! that's like if they had tom cruise play hagrid.

i don't know what's going on with me healthwise right now. i'm back to where i was in march when i was having the scary "neurological" problems that turned out to not be neurological, but no one could tell me what *was* causing them, of course. just dizzy all the time, muscles and joints getting weak, sore, and stiff. having trouble moving around, getting twitches and back prickles, shortness of breath... de ja vu all over again. i'm going back to my worthless doctor on august 3rd and i'm going to try to give her my medical history and tell her what my symptoms have been this year *again*. last time i did that she interrupted me and told me to go see a rheumatologist. i don't know what her obsession with joint pain is. sure, i have joint pain but that's only one of my manymany fabulous prizes and i've had it since i was 10 and i've actually learned to cope with it pretty well. its the other things that are debilitating me. the joint pain is not the root problem here! i think i'm on the verge of confronting her and letting her know how disappointed i am with her. how does she ever expect to diagnose me if she won't even let me tell her what the symptoms are? and if she's not planning on diagnosing me, then what am i paying her for? whether she listens or not, i'm getting fed up enough with her attitude to find myself a new docotor, maybe a nurse practitioner cause they seem to be better listeners. and i am contacting a lawyer ASAP. this has gone on long enough! i am sick of being sick and if the only way i can force my doctors to do their jobs is to bring a lawyer with me to every appointment, then that is what i shall do. i think that would motivate them: have a lawyer sit next to me and just shout out "we're gonna SUE your ass!" every few minutes. it makes a funny mental image. try it.

encased in trolls

there is a serious chocolate shortage in my area. it is a scientific fact that women need chocolate to survive and somehow, i just can't seem to find any. i bought this Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream that's supposed to have raspberry swirls and brownie chunks, but the brownie chunks are suspiciously tiny. in case you aren't familiar with the brand, Ben & Jerry's is known for selling ice cream stuffed with truckloads of oversized hunks of chocolatey goodness. i was seriously dismayed that they would betray me in this manner and, since that let-down, i have been trying to fill the chocolate-sized crater in my life. but all the other chocolate sources have dried up. my mom usually keeps candy stashes, cookie dough, and boxed brownie mix in her house. they've all vanished. my emergency tub of mint choclate chip ice cream- freezerburned. the ancient square of fudge in the fridge- stale. good thing tomorrow is grocery day or i might try to make chocolate out of ants and egg residue.

in the book i'm reading now, one of the characters keeps going on and on about his addiction to uni; sea urchin. his enthusiasm has prompted me to come out with the following public service announcement: in some of my reading on marine biology, i have learned much about sea urchins. their bodies are constructed almost entirely out of calcium carbonate; an inedible, bony shell. they have very scant musculature because they are sessile animals. where, then, does the sea urchin "meat" come from? the gonads- sex organs, testes and ovaries. that is what you are eating when you have uni. if you still want to eat it, go ahead, i just thought you should know what you're biting into.

some of you may have noticed that i changed my Orientation from Not Sure to Lesbian. this doesn't really mean anything. as far as anyone is concerned, i don't even have a body. i am an amorphous, asexual being, so what does it matter what my orientation is? i'm still the same brak with the same ambiguous sexuality. i just thought i'd try the label on for awhile and see if it changes the contents of my inbox any. for example, will i get more female bots? less misguided male suitors? probably, nothing will change and i'll find that it doesn't really matter anyway- that i could say i'm only attracted to overweight donkeys and people would still talk to me just the same.... as a wise man once said "[in most men's eyes] as a woman, you are just a series of warm holes". for killeen, this is (sadly) too true.

paint thinner and roses

my air conditioner got fixed! that means i can play sims and use my messenger and sleep in my own bed and sing poorly and VERY LOUD! eeeeeee!

i don't feel so great today. my hair's been falling out *again*. it started growing back since i've been using the Nioxin hair restoration system, but it still hasn't gotten back as good as it was. in april a lot of my hair grew back all by itself so, if you hadn't known me before and seen my brilliant, lustrous, beautiful hair then you might have just thought that it was always kind of thin and fragile. it started falling out again in may right when i went into the hospital. seems like it goes in a cycle- fall out, grow back, fall out, grow back, etc... except that it grows back less each time and falls out a little bit more. the Nioxin still seems to be making things better because i'm not losing near as much hair as i have on previous "fall out" cycles, but it still kind of makes me nervous and i hope it switches to "grow back" mode soon. otherwise, i've been having these strange ticklish pains in my belly. like i have a sleeping foot growing in my abdominal cavity... very weird.

because doctors suck (as i think i've established in previous blogs) i've been doing research today at soulcysters.com (the PCOS forum) on alternative treatments and remedies. i'm not really a big natural medicine fan; you'd think i would be because i have such little faith in medical science and the FDA in particular, but i've never believed in taking herbal or mineral supplements and having them produce any real results. i figured i might as well just look and see if there was something not too wacky or difficult i could do that might make some of my suffering bearable. i was amused to find that most of the things on the list of natural remedies were things that i have inexplicabale cravings for already; vitamin B's, licorice, green tea, vinegar (yes, i crave vinegar, you got a problem with that?) and the nice thing about taking herbals is that they generally have no side effects and they treat the disease symptomatically instead of trying to fix the entire syndrome. meaning that these items can be used to treat any endocrine disorder with similar symptoms, not just PCOS. that's great for me because i'm not entirely certain that i have PCOS (and i won't be without extensive and comprehensive testing by a competent professional wizard dog) but i am 100% certain that i have *something* wrong with my endocrine system in general and with my ovarian hormones in paticular.


whatever it is i have appears to be polycystic ovary syndrome, but even that disorder isn't clearly defined or easily diagnosable and there are several different disorders that sometimes present themselves the same.
PCOS seems the best fit at the moment so that's what i'm looking into. if i have a previously unknown disease that mimics PCOS or if i never get properly diagnosed (which seems likely), i think i shall name this disease Trapped On a Log or TOAL. because i feel alone and isolated just as if i were trapped on a log out in the ocean (Viva Variety fans will get the reference, but there aren't many of them seeing as how the show went off the air).

choose the least sensible weed

the sickie-saga is still on hold, but while i've been under this illness-enforced house arrest i've just been fuming and stewing away until i feel as red and raw as those smileys. i'm full of hatred and ill will. i've never been very good at being angry; mostly i just cry a lot when i get mad. i'm a pretty gentle person to boot so i don't get angry very often to begin with. but i'm getting fed up and, as they say, my halo is wearing thin. i don't know how much more of this i can take- the not knowing, the endless wrong turns, the being treated like scum by predjudiced medical professionals everywhere just because i'm poor. i need a game plan and i need help. i need real people to come help me. i love you, my internet buddies, and you have done wonderful things for me, but there comes a time when it just isn't enough. i need close physical proximity to a caring human being ASAP. and, if it isn't too much to ask, i need this human being to be angry and outspoken and have some means and power.

so far, this is the best plan i can come up with: i join forces with a central or south american surgeon and, with the help of some lovable rogues, i smuggle the good doctor  and a few hundred pounds of illegal weaponry (bazookas, assault rifles, pocketknives and the like) across the border. once back in the US, we take over a hospital by brute force. then the doctor can bypass the need for a diagnosis and simply remove all my internal reproductive organs. (i know that's where the problem is coming from and if they're gone then i don't really need to know what the problem was. its not like i'm capable of bearing healthy babies anyway.) shortly after i awaken from the anesthesia, the surgeon and the rogues will make a hasty exit back to their home country. i will claim that they kidnapped me and misguidedly stole my ovaries to sell on the black market while i was vacationing and will receive emergency medical care for my wounds and missing hormones. since illegal surgery is an easily diagnosable and treatable condition, the doctors in this country should have no problem getting me back to full health quickly. after that i can get on with my life and i will have the added bonus of having interesting scars and an amusing anecdote to share with whoever will care to listen. "did i ever tell you about the time i was operated on by a competent surgeon?...."

you are a bad plant

i can eat again.

i've been visiting a forum for women with problems like i have and they have a section where people discuss different symptoms they experience and compare notes to determine if the symptom is related to the disease or is something seperate. also, women who are undiagnosed or have idiotic doctors (me) can go there to see if someone else's doctor made more sense. i posted about these digestion problems i've been having and several people wrote back about food intolerances to things like wheat and dairy causing them minor discomfort. i got a little discouraged by that because what i have goes way beyond minor, is so severe in fact that if oftens prevents me from eating at all. plus, it doesn't seem related to any one food or food group.
i finally got a reply from a woman who has symptoms identical to mine and who also has a competent doctor. her doctor diagnosed her as having a damaged pancreas and prescribed pancreatic enzymes to be taken everytime she eats. apparently hormonal imbalances can cause pancreas and galbladder problems because they raise cholesterol and make the immune system turn on the pancreas (i'm not sure the exact mechanics, just that these things are linked). after trying the prilosec that my doctor recommended and having it fail so painfully, i thought it would be worth checking the HEB to see if they sold an over-the-counter pancreatic enzyme supplement. they did. i took it. it worked.

now i have almost no digestive problems, but lots of questions. if these pancreatic enzymes are working for me, does that mean that my pancreas is failing? or is there another reason that pancreatic enzymes would be effective? and if my pancreas is failing, why? is my immune system attacking it, like the woman from the forum's immune system was attacking her's? and if it is doing that, does that mean that i really have the dreaded polycystic ovary syndrome like i suspect i do? will i ever be able to eat without pills again? will i become diabetic? will my galbladder fail, too? and so on and so forth... of course, i don't expect my doctor to do crap about it. she'll probably just be happy that i "solved" the problem myself so she doesn't have to worry about it and be confused about why i would want further testing if i'm not having problems anymore. sometimes i really hate how well i can predict medical behavior. (maybe i should become a Medical Behaviorist and follow doctors, nurses, and the like around with a clipboard and tape recorder to gather data in the name of Science).

in short: (yeah, you could've just skipped to here right away instead of reading all that junk, sorry) i'm overjoyed that i can finally eat again- i haven't eaten without complications since may- but i'm uneasy (maybe terrified) because i can only eat with the aid of a pancreatic enzyme supplement. stay tuned to find out what this indicates and if brak will knock the shit out of her doctor, get a new doctor, or refuse to ever see a doctor again... as the saga continues.... [sappy music]

preliminary defense: conjunctivitis

my dad drove me to central market in austin to get ingredients for rat food again. while we were there i picked up some cherries, cheese, and crackers. central market is the rockingest grocery store evar. they have this big refrigerated cheese U. its like a tri-sided cheese extravaganza. i know a lot of you reading this are probably snickering because in the cities you come from the economy is booming and every grocery store has at least 3 walls of cheese, if not 4 or 6, but where i come from (shittown) everyone is poor and eats Kraft. so, its a thrill for me to see so many cheeses, many of which i've only read about in books or seen on television. kind of like a celebrity cheese sighting. i got brie, smoked gouda, and tilamook cheddar. and these weird crackers which turned out to have fennel and sesame and poppy seeds on them and are the greatest brie crackers in teh werld. yes, i ate the cheese and crackers and the cherries (way too delicious to describe here) and i was soundly punished by my digestive system for it....

you hear that sound? the rumbly noise with the beeping? maybe an anguished bull lowing in the far background? that's right, its the sound of a super-deluxe truck of cow testicles being delivered right to my door courtesey of my doctor's office. she was wrong about the acid reflux. i took the prilosec for the first few days with no incidence and after maybe the third day i started having sharp razor-like tummy pains minutes after i took it. then i got really bad indigestion and a lot of nausea on top of the hideous pain in my upper abdomen that i was having before. so, she has not only misdiagnosed me, but she has actually managed to make my condition worse. but, never fear, i think i know what might be wrong with me. it is my belief that the angry spirit of a former top model has taken up residence in my digestive tract. that's right, my guts are haunted. she will not rest until i, like a lab rat, develop an aversion to eating after being exposed to negative stimuli. it is her goal to make me as gaunt as she was in her life and possibly even to have me recreate her death via anorexia. no wonder my doctor is so useless! what good could she possibly do against this diabolical plotter from the netherworld? i'll be sure to ask her for a referral to an exorcist at my next appointment on august 3rd... if its not too late.

the water turns dark out of sympathy

"This house is a haven- a haven from girls and white gloves and the pressures of mothers to marry. Its a haven from business and expectations, from social engagements and parties and proving a great disappointment. Which I have. I always have."

"I am stranded in life. I hide here because I don't know what else to do"

That's what the girl's biology teacher says to her after he invites her over and gets drunk. He's some kind of pervert, but I think I like his character the best out of all the others. Maybe because I'm some kind of pervert, too.

a garden of crust

it must actually be summer because the air conditioner broke yesterday. its far, far too warm in here, 93 degrees last time i checked the thermostat. my skin's all pink and glowy and the rats are playing dead. they've stopped making rat piles and are now spread out all over the cages with their little bellies pressed to the floor, trying to create a greater surface area for heat dissipation. manji's been napping on the livingroom floor all day in a similar position. i've been going against the trend and staying curled up on the couch. i think the living room is the coolest room now because of the ceiling fan. i put the portable fan in the rat's room. its usually in here with the computer, but i think the rats need it more. everything is sticky and the windows are open even though there is absolutely no breeze. maybe i should go stand in the bathtub just in case i begin to melt.

paul the trapeze

i was looking at my yard today and thinking about how my yard is a pretty good analogy for my health. its never been a very good yard- always had more weeds than grass and its full of limestone- but it was at least okay. then it got wrecked by flooding and careless trucks getting stuck in it and a big-ass tow truck thing having to come and practically destroy it to get the trucks out. its a swampland now and everytime it looks like it might be getting dryer and more back to itself, the rain comes again and makes it back into a swamp.


i've been taking the prilosec for my tummy problems and it does absolutely nothing. i'll keep taking it just to make sure, but i don't think i even have acid reflux. my doctor carelessly diagnosed me without even listening to all my symptoms. she's an interrupter and trying to talk to her is just like trying to play charades with someone who shouts out a guess before you've barely begun miming and continues to shout out the same thing over and over no matter what you do. i have gotten the pains to get better, at least, but to do so i have to pretty much stop eating. but now that i'm not eating much anymore the dizzyness, back prickles, and picasso vision have returned. i feel like i'm about to collapse at any moment, but the only alternative is to eat and endure excruciating pain. *shrug*

that's it, i'm moving to canada.

tasted so sleepy

in some zombie movies, the characters try to explain why the zombies are driven to eat people by claiming that hunger is the strongest, most basic of human urges. in my experience, i've found that the strongest urge in humans isn't eating, but reproduction. so, really, the zombies shouldn't be trying to feed on you, they should be trying to.........you know... especially the boy zombies.

i finally got to go to the library today! i got three fictions, one non-fiction, and a video about the ocean. can i consume that much in three weeks? we'll find out. i'm starting with a comedy about new york nannies. since i've been kind of bummed out and stressed, i thought it would be good to start with the easy read and move from there.

i spent the non-literary part of the day working on scanning some pictures of my friends from high school. my mom's scanner is senile and it didn't want to work half the time and then i thought it was having an error cause all the people looked short and fat. then i realized that the whole screen was distorted cause my parents have one of those fancy flat screen, widescreen screens. and even after i got everyone on the harddrive, i couldn't e-mail myself the pics cause my dad had shut down my old e-mail account. so, i had to transport everything on a CD-RW because they didn't have any blank floppy disks. i don't like CD-RW's. i like floppies. laugh if you want. now, the myspace is having an error and won't let me upload. i'll post a bulletin after i'm done difficulting technically, k?

rats. cause i haven't said rats for awhile. right before ryan moved, he got food for his snakes; a rat and a bunny. those of you who read my blog regularly know what happened with the bunny so we won't go into that, but the other, smaller snake wasn't hungry either. he was about to shed and just refused to eat. ryan decided to leave the rat behind with me instead of taking it with him to eat later. i don't mind even though my cages are overflowing with rats because he is so beautiful! the rat, not ryan... although ryan's not too shabby either. anyway, he's a hooded brown agouti with a wide stripe. i call him oscar wilde. "madam, i may be drunk, but...." bleh bleh bleh all over her shoes!

 he's number 23. maybe i'll go insane like in the movie (i never got to see that one :( stupid salmonella)

lima bean skyscraper

they've made a hole in my arm where the cheese can hide...

since i have a lot of time on my hands, i started browsing the myspace profiles. looking for people other than me with thoughts other than mine who live in houses that aren't mine and have zip codes different from what i have. i started looking at the locals. very sad. almost cried. then i decided that since tom seems to think i live in the UK, i'd browse the pages from there. i'm astonished how intelligent and happy british people are when compared to americans. even the crackheads and single mothers and single crackhead mothers and perverts had comprehensible grammar. and they all seemed to have jobs or school or do something worth doing instead of half the americans i see on here who are living off of their parents or the government or working at mcdonald's and being miserable. the crackhead had a mortgage for fuck's sake! and he couldn't even spell mortgage properly! but he could still write a sentence. i always knew americans were stupid and lazy, but its one thing to hear that our schools are shit and we're raising more and more ignorant and useless children, but seeing it in real time is a little disconcerting. go browse the UK pages sometime. there's some cool people over there. cooler than you.

in case you were wondering, i went to the doc today and she said i might have PCOS and gave me a referral. my next appointment concerning that is in september. i asked her about the peritonitis and she said i have acid reflux and should take prilosec which sounds like a semi-truck delivering cow testicles to me, but i'll try it anyway. she did say specifically that i don't have peritonitis, though. and she's sending me for an ultrasound just to make sure i don't have something else serious, not heartburn. i do remember wishing that when i mentioned my concerns about peritonitis she would say "oh no its [easily curable ailment] and you should take [medication with no side effects] for [temporary amount of time] and it'll go away." which is kind of what happened, now we just have to see if she was right. cause that would be really remarkable.

vitamins for leprechauns

last night i couldn't get to sleep because my brain wouldn't shut up. it kept making me think about things, from the trivial to the horrifying and back. i'd like to share one of the things my brain keeps bringing up cause it kind of suprised me. i first had this thought right after i'd realized that its a possibility that i might die. that was another thing that popped into my head "hey, if these doctors continue to be worthless idiots you are going to die, you know" (gee, thanks for the pep talk, brain). i was on my way out somewhere and i stepped out the front door and looked at the sky and i was overwhelmed by the feelings of loss i had.... for the sky. if i die, will i ever get to see the sky again?

not my daughter (although she came next) or my family or my pets or any of the things that mean so much to me now... the sky... its mystifying. it wasn't just a fluke, either,  because the thought keeps coming back. the sky, the sky, the sky. what's your fucking obsession with the sky, you worthless piece of pink and gray matter? why can't you just let it go? and why does the thought hurt me so much? i've never been a "sky person". never been fascinated by weather or wind or stars or sun or even sunsets. when people would say things like "look at that beautiful sky", their eyes shining with wonder, i'd mumble something like "yeah, is kinda pretty" and go on with whatever i was doing. so why is it becoming quickly apparent that the sky, out of everything else, is the thing i will miss most if i have to pass on?

chocolate marble gun

i'm reading this book about a woman who is married to a really angry, sarcastic, horrible man and she wants to divorce him because he makes her so miserable. she wishes that he would change and that all his "bile" would be drained out of him, and then he goes away to visit a healer for the weekend and when he comes back, he is completely changed. he's not angry or sarcastic or rude or hateful anymore. and she still hates him and wants a divorce because now he's too good and he makes her feel bad.
right now, in the book, he's organizing a campaign to convince 10 of his neighbors to let  homeless teens live in their spare bedrooms for 6 months. i was just thinking how cool that would be to have a homeless teen come live with me. then i wouldn't have to be alone all the time and i might even be able to convince him or her to clean up a little or fix things around the house. it would be especially cool if this homeless teen could drive to the store and buy my groceries for me or take me to my doctor's appointments. do homeless teens like buffy? does anyone know?

things haven't been very good the past week. it got bad again *the very day* that ryan left. like i-probably-should-have-gone-to-the-ER bad, but i wasn't about to ask ryan to stay another day or two just to take me to the ER, not after he'd worked so hard and waited so long to finally be leaving killeen. and killeen is a suck-pit; it doesn't like people to leave and if you let it, it'll just suck you right back in. so i let him go and i've started taking narcotics again to deal with the pain. i'm on drugs right now, actually. i've also started doing internet research on my symptoms again and what i've found is very disturbing. i've found two things that i think i may have: one is polycystic ovary syndrome which could be causing most, if not all, of my symptoms and not just the bad bad things i've had this year, but other undiagnosed health problems i've had for the past 14 years as well. the second thing i think i may have is even more disturbing because, while PCOS is tricky to diagnose sometimes and isn't terribly common (present in 10% of women), the other thing i think i may have is more common, very dangerous, and i'm presenting textbook, clear-cut symptoms. like i have word-for-word exactly the symptoms listed on all the info pages i could find about it. everything.


its peritonitis- a bacterial infection and inflammation of the lining of the abdominal cavity. usually requires emergency surgery and can be fatal if left untreated. i've been having symptoms since march and the first doctor (the shenanigans quack doctor) i went to see told me that i was having a panic attack.. a panic attack that lasted for 3 days and involved no feeling of panic. right. the second doctor i told about it (the ER doc in may) said that it wasn't my heart, so not to worry... cause any sort of chest or abdominal pain that isn't your heart is completely benign and will go away on its own, right? the third doctor i told (the stupid cunt doctor i had in the hospital) said that it was bedsores, without even examining me, and scolded me for not walking around more. bedsores? aren't bedsores like *sores* though? what does that have to do with anything?

all three of these doctors were associated with scott and white. i always knew that metroplex was bad, but i thought scott and white doctors were supposed to have at least some competency. i'm beginning to think that all the doctors in this area, instead of going to actual medical school, are just given a course on "how to act professional" out of a portable building over the weekend. i mean, even if i don't have peritonitis or PCOS, there is still something very very wrong and no one seems to care enough to find out what it is. they won't take me seriously and they keep just sending me home, unhealed. they're perfectly happy to let me suffer and die, as long as i pay them. i'm feeling very frustrated, scared, and hopeless right now, but i'm still going back for more. on friday i'm going to the scott and white clinic to see a doctor i saw once before. she seemed nice and i hope she took the course on how to listen as well as the one about acting professional. maybe she even took the course on being intelligent or at the very least the one called "how to do internet reasearch and make it look like real work". if she won't help me i'll either have to move to canada or kill myself cause i've been to see just about every doctor available to me on my insurance... unless i want to see a dentist or a psychiatrist and ask them if they happen to know anything about ovaries or abdominal cavities. wish me luck. i'll let you know how it goes.

editor's note: i was later diagnosed with polycystic ovaries

excessive reflective drooling

the wig came in the mail *right* before my health went downhill again. but i'm feeling a little better now, so i thought i'd try it on and see if it cheered me up. it was...okay. i knew it wasn't gonna be like real hair cause i've read that wigs are made with more hair than they should have so they can be styled as desired. i don't really know anything about styling, but i do know that this wig's bangs are too long. i have to crumple up the back part to get them to sit above my eyebrows. or maybe my head just isn't as tall as its supposed to be? either way, they need to be cut and i don't know how to do that without ruining it. maybe i could just stick a few rolled up socks in the top part so it lines up better? stuffing my head. hahaha.

just to re-cap: this is what my hair looks like everyday now:

 
this is the wig:

 and this is what happens when i match the wig to my hairline: