encased in trolls

there is a serious chocolate shortage in my area. it is a scientific fact that women need chocolate to survive and somehow, i just can't seem to find any. i bought this Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream that's supposed to have raspberry swirls and brownie chunks, but the brownie chunks are suspiciously tiny. in case you aren't familiar with the brand, Ben & Jerry's is known for selling ice cream stuffed with truckloads of oversized hunks of chocolatey goodness. i was seriously dismayed that they would betray me in this manner and, since that let-down, i have been trying to fill the chocolate-sized crater in my life. but all the other chocolate sources have dried up. my mom usually keeps candy stashes, cookie dough, and boxed brownie mix in her house. they've all vanished. my emergency tub of mint choclate chip ice cream- freezerburned. the ancient square of fudge in the fridge- stale. good thing tomorrow is grocery day or i might try to make chocolate out of ants and egg residue.

in the book i'm reading now, one of the characters keeps going on and on about his addiction to uni; sea urchin. his enthusiasm has prompted me to come out with the following public service announcement: in some of my reading on marine biology, i have learned much about sea urchins. their bodies are constructed almost entirely out of calcium carbonate; an inedible, bony shell. they have very scant musculature because they are sessile animals. where, then, does the sea urchin "meat" come from? the gonads- sex organs, testes and ovaries. that is what you are eating when you have uni. if you still want to eat it, go ahead, i just thought you should know what you're biting into.

some of you may have noticed that i changed my Orientation from Not Sure to Lesbian. this doesn't really mean anything. as far as anyone is concerned, i don't even have a body. i am an amorphous, asexual being, so what does it matter what my orientation is? i'm still the same brak with the same ambiguous sexuality. i just thought i'd try the label on for awhile and see if it changes the contents of my inbox any. for example, will i get more female bots? less misguided male suitors? probably, nothing will change and i'll find that it doesn't really matter anyway- that i could say i'm only attracted to overweight donkeys and people would still talk to me just the same.... as a wise man once said "[in most men's eyes] as a woman, you are just a series of warm holes". for killeen, this is (sadly) too true.