foreign piece of lung

i got that salmonella from the peanut butter, and i'm still not doing too well. i think the salmonella is gone but something else is wrong now. i keep getting these weird prickly feelings on my back, kind of like ants crawling around and biting me. i also get all dizzy and i'm pretty sure my vision is going. everything looks like an abstract painting half the time. my skin's drying up and flaking off, too, and i can't seem to stop it. i used an entire tube of super-extra-expensive-strength hand creme on my face yesterday and its still all bleh. i have old people hands. :( i really hope this means i'm going to die and isn't just another round of health problems that i'm going to have to learn to live with like the arthritis and the stomach problems that i already had, and that weird thing where i have to drink 2 gallons of water a day, or the salt cravings. cause those suck enough without back prickles, picasso vision, and grandma skin added. what's that you say? you think i should seek professional help? you think i might need a doctor now that my health has reached such lows? that would be the natural conclusion, i suppose, but i have no health insurance. i could get my mom to take me to see a doctor and pay him/her in cash, but i'm not that stupid. i have experience in these things and i know if you don't have insurance (and sometimes even if you do) the most a doctor will do is tell you he/she has no idea what could possibly be wrong with you, offer a useless prescription (usually motrin or an antihistamine), and send you on your way. its a complete waste of time and money and other resources to go see a doctor. unless you just really need giant motrin pills. so i'm left in the sad state of not being able to go back to school (i tried this morning and was met with utter failure) and having a host of funky symptoms to deal with. maybe i can name my invisible ants and when people see me slapping at my back, i can say "that's just ralph". it could be seen as quirky and endearing, you never know.

editor's note: this blog marks the beginning of the sickie saga. 02/15/07

hello floyd

i don't think i like novels anymore. all that frothy, poetic language used to describe everyday thoughts and actions makes the characters in these books seem lethargic. the great ball of lethargy slowly building in my own head lends me sympathy to their plight, but i do not believe that misery loves company. as the novel progresses, the characters get more and more burdened with words, thoughts, and descriptions of the scenery through which they travel. its amazing these people can even move, much less act out their part in the story, whether heroic, tragic, or comedic. i'm amazed they have any energy left after sitting and contemplating.. well, everything in their whole fictitious universe. that's why i generally read trashy sci-fi and non-fiction books about field expeditions. at least things happen in those stories. at least people move instead of sinking slowly beneath the sea of words, being gradually drowned in a mist of concrete language.
 
i saw something eyebrow-raising in my World Religions textbook yesterday. in the chapter on Hinduism, it describes a ritual sacrifice of a horse, "Finally, the sacred horse was strangled and the wives of the raja participated in fertility rights with the body of the horse." does that mean they fucked a dead horse? Or is there some other way to interpret the vague usage of the phrase "fertility rights"? help me out here.

you remember my sister death video i posted the link to a few blogs back? apparently over 90 people viewed it and i only got 3 comments. it makes me paranoid thinking about strangers wandering around my photobucket account, rubbing their greasy eyeballs all over my "art" (using the term very loosely). if i had known it would be so popular, i wouldn't have posted it at all. i'm guessing, due to the lack of comments, that most people did not appreciate my video but rather found it unsettling, something to gawk at- like a car accident. if that was the case, then maybe i'm glad i got so little in the way of feedback, after all. i have more videos now, but am unsure if i should post links to them or not. would that be a good idea? i don't know...  
my car finally died yesterday. big cloud of smoke, loud noise, and it was dead. or at least, i'm too afraid to drive it while its smoking and clacking and convulsing in its death throes. i might have convinced it to go a few more feet. the truck i borrow as a back-up vehicle is also dead (actually dead this time, no amount of key-turning or shouting will get it to work). battery. i can get a ride to and from school, but otherwise am stuck at home. my dirty little shack in the woods. so... who wants to buy me a car?

tainted government gorillas

hayley is 4 now!! yay for hayley!! we took her to chuck e. cheese and it was awful. i hated it there. they didn't have the ball pit or the tunnels on the ceiling and the pizza's not very good. plus creepy guy in mouse suit. i wanted to naughty-touch him oddly enough, though. i think she had fun, she poked the plastic mouse in his ear and played a bunch of games. i made a whole bunch of cupcakes and there was a ton of extra frosting, so i stole a vat of it. (btw, how big does a container have to be before you can call it a vat?) now my car is dead so i have to stay home. i'm going to just eat the entire vat tonight and vomit profusely. that'll be just like driving somewhere, right? also, i lost more weight and now none of my pants fit. its getting silly how big they are. so... who wants to buy me some pants?