bovril & silence

"Anyone shut up between four walls ends up by losing the power to associate words and ideas."

--Jules Verne

such is

there are no words...

i have made attempt after pathetic attempt to express through the english language what its like to be me. what its like to have struggled and sacrificed and bled to regain control of my life, to claim my body and my will as my own only to have it snatched away by an undefined force. what its like to awaken day after day  in a nightmare where i've died, but i can't escape my corpse. to watch everyone else pass me by as my own potential withers away. what its like to be begging for help only to be ignored, lied to, and betrayed by those who i should be able to rely upon. things are not okay. i am not coming out of this alive, in some respects i am already dead. no matter how many times, or how many ways i say this, it will be to no effect. there's nothing i can do to make you understand because
there

are

no

words