tweedle stupid

i'm not liking my history class. its not quite like government. karppi still handed out review sheets (o, glorious review sheets!) but the book just isn't cooperating. it has no glossary and no words in bold. it's just sentences and paragraphs. what the hell am i supposed to do with that? i wasn't ever showed how to effectively process raw information. you'll notice that i liked the book when i was reading it for fun, but now that i'm spending tedious hours scanning its selfish pages for reference to Sam Adams, i absolutely hate it. I looked him up in the index and it gave me the wrong page number (everything seems to be on the page after the reference page listed in the index...) and when I did find mention of him it just says "...radicals like Samuel Adams" and then goes right on to talk about something else. It came with some on-line reference materials, but when i tried to access them it told me the server was offline. this book sucks as a textbook.
I'm also not liking my trig class. i was terrified the first day because i overheard some girl complaining about the teacher. she made it sound like he locked his students in the classroom so he could torture them and no one would hear their screams. he does lock the door, but that's only to encourage punctuality. I'm not liking the class because he doesn't give us any notes. everything he writes on the board is in pictures. he talks about the important stuff, but once again i am unable to process raw information. i need it packaged into a consumer-friendly bundle and handed to me. damn public high school, damn it to hell!! also he keeps thinking that we all remember stuff from previous math classes, like that's possible. he seems to think that i'd be familiar with a distance formula with a square root on it. i've never seen it written like that. at least not that i recall.
Speech class is terrifying. I had to make a speech today and it was only the second day. i was shaking so much and then i got really sick later. thankfully,  not during the speech. i think it wasn't just nerves, it was also the fact that we're not allowed to eat or drink in class so i hadn't eaten or drank anything for several hours. i usually consume water constantly, especially when its hot. and i get really hungry around 10 am (speech starts at 10:30). i don't think that's fair to dehydrate and starve people and then ask them to try to learn, i think at least water should be permitted. you may say "what about between classes?" but that's only ten minutes and i spend it doing a mad shuffling run across campus so i won't be late. if i could find a way to eat, drink, and run all at the same time and while carrying 40 pounds of books on my back, i'd be much better.
My zoology class is just like biology in slow motion. i'm beginning to wish i'd been brave enough to sign up for physics or even microbiology. besides one of my lab partners being a fat slut with bad weave (she wore pants last class thank God), there's this whiny girl who first day announced that she would absolutely refuse to do any dissections because she found it morally reprehensible. ???  did she not read the course catalog?!? that's basically all zoology is- dissections, taking animals apart and tinkering with their innards. and then talking about it. now chemistry is a nice, non-dissecting science. its about the same difficultly level, so why didn't she take that? i am awed and repulsed by some of my classmates this semester. i guess that's what happens when you go to community college. i suppose its like going to a cheap whore and then being repulsed by her many diseases. i really should have learned to expect a metaphorical rash on my privates after an encounter with CTC.

freedom quest with rrrrrrubies!

my mom and grandmother went on a cruise all week and i was stuck at my mom's house with my baby taking care of all their stuff. and i got a real bad cold the first day and it still hasn't let go. i'm past the sore throat and feelings of death's clammy hand on my shoulder now. just sneezing a lot, but it was bad there for awhile. i still haven't decided if my week sucked or not. some of it was fun, i guess. my chicken vindaloo was pretty good, especially considering i've never seen or tasted it before i made it. but the moloi kafta... never again!! i couldn't get my kaftas to fry right. i think it may have been the recipe's fault, though. i get my recipes from recipezaar.com and they're all written by everyday, normal people and not by chefs and book editors, so sometimes they're unclear and imprecise. the sauce had too much tomato and it was just not good. especially since i'm allergic to tomato. which may have contributed to the "death's clammy hand" feeling. my grandmother's dog actually behaves fairly well when she isn't around. i was almost starting to like him, but now she's back and he's an obnoxious ankle biter again. poo! my dad got me an mp3 player. its a sandisk sansa. i've never heard of it, but it was made in china so i guess its okay. we bought it off craigslist from some guy in austin. he gave me his headphones, too. they're great and they make a smurshy noise in my ear. they're used which is thrilling like having sex with a stranger! except that i don't think there are any ear-transmitted diseases. the only thing is that the sansa copied my playlist all out of order and it put Whale of the Sea right next to What Did Her Autopsy Reveal? those just can't go together. it isn't kosher. and i can't get them to separate. i tried. i'll live with it because the sound quality is nice. and it gets loud enough to block out various noises. i've had my walkman at top volume and i can still hear the music in the gym and the grunting of the weight-lifters and other people talking and.. everything. and i don't think it'll pull down my pants with its bulk or run out of batteries every week. it doesn't have a clip so i'm gonna use a binder clip. i'm excited.

antichrist forgiven

I got a book about the native americans during prehistoric times. There hasn't been anything in it about the chopping off of their enemy's hands before throwing them into a mass grave to be buried alive with rotting corpses. The author seems to be one of those who only paints a picture of the native americans as a peaceful, lovey group. Kind of like the ancestors of hippies. He hasn't said one word about inter-tribal wars, but has said a lot about how difficult it must have been to live in such a "niggardly land". Yes, he used the word "niggardly". I don't think we're allowed to say that anymore but its a pretty old book. It was the only book that had anything in it about the native americans before the arrival of europeans. I guess people aren't really interested in anything except genocide when it comes to native americans. And someone checked out all the Buffy season 7 DVDs. I was going to get them today. I wanted them for cruise-week (see previous blog) in case i don't have time for the gym (i do Step with my buffy). I know my gym time is going to be severely limited because i have to go while hayley is at school. her school only lasts 3 hours, so if i subtract travel and shower time then i'll only be in the gym for about 2 or 2.5 hours at the most. i'll probably focus more on the treadmill and the weight machines cause i don't have anything like that at home. i don't do free-weights cause i'd injure myself and look like an idiot or other people would try to talk to me. some guy tried to talk to me the other day, but i think my smell was an effective detterent. i couldn't figure out why he was attempting conversation at all, but then later i found out he's someone's personal trainer and thus has personality flaws that would cause him to socialize irresponsibly. lots of people bring their personal trainers to the gym and its always this really energetic guy that makes them do weird stuff with those big, rubber balls and other brightly colored objects. sometimes personal trainers come to my gym and train themselves except without the enthusiastic verbal encouragement. they probably just think really loud and chipper when its just them.

trinocerous

hayley had her first day of school. i was really worried because she had such a hard time in daycare. she got kicked out because she wouldn't stop crying the whole time. i sent her for about a month, 3 times a week, 2 hours each time. she screamed right through the whole thing until they couldn't stand it anymore and sent her home. but she likes school. she went in and didn't cry at all. and she's going back tomorrow. she's in the special-ed pre-k at public school. lots of hyphens. there's only one other kid in her class, but there's three teachers. they might get more kids later on. my mom's going on a cruise next week so i have hayley all to myself. yay. my mom doesn't like curry, so i'm cooking a massive amount of indian food on tuesday. my brothers and my dad really like it and i've been wanting to see how i do with "ethnic" cooking. i'm gonna make moloi kafta, palak paneer, naan, chicken vindaloo, and some other things i can't pronounce. i bought actual saffron. it costs $12 for half a teaspoon. i feel so indulgent. i wanted to buy the cheaper substitute, turmeric, but oddly the HEB doesn't carry turmeric, just saffron. i have to go to austin for the cheap stuff this time. i feel all weird and reversey. and who in killeen can afford saffron anyway?! why is it being stocked? why? its one of the great mysteries of the universe. i need to make more protein bars. i have two left. i have to go to austin for dried fruit and soy powder and wheat germ and oat bran... and some other things. i have realized one of my life's ambitions. i now own a push-up bra. yes, i have dreamed of this moment for about 7 years. they never seemed to have one in my size, but yesterday i found the miraculous object at a wal-mart of all places and have purchased it. i will now wear it proudly. under a shirt. one without buttons. 

hbd2me

another year wasted.
for my birthday i really wanted a big-ass three layer fancy fudge cake. i decided to make it myself. so, i went on the internet to recipezaar.com and got a recipe for raspberry-chocolate ganache. to use as a filling between the cakey layers. then i went to the HEB and got cake boxes, frostings, etc... i started work on the cake at about 11:30 sunday night. my mom only has one cake pan so i had to pour batter, bake, and cool three times. then i made the ganache. it didn't work. its supposed to get really stiff and fluffy, like hard whipped cream. but the ganche stayed soupy and liquidy. i put it in the fridge. it got a little stiffer. around 5 a.m. i decided to use it. then my cake turned into a big three layer slip and slide. at 7 a.m. i gave up trying to frost the cake because it wouldn't stay still. I returned to the HEB, got more cake boxes, etc... but this time i got strawberry frosting to put in the middle of the cake. second cake worked. yay! i finished it in the early afternoon. then i took hayley to the Blockbuster and let her pick out some movies. She got A Bug's Life and two Clifford the Big Red Dog episodes on VHS. We watched those and ate BBQ from Rudy's and then ate giant chunks of cake. My mom gave $100 and John Bill took me to Wal-Mart and bought me shoes and underpants. Which may sound lame to you, but to someone who has inadequate shoes and underpants its really a great gift. We still have an amazing amount of fudgey cake laying around. my dad salvaged the slip-n-slide cake and slapped some frosting on it. its kind of puddly, but tastes good. My grandmother took me shopping and i got shirts and pants and things that actually fit! i think everyone in killeen has seen my underpants because i've been wearing pants 2 sizes too big for a few months. hayley likes to pants me in the grocery store. she's kind of mean sometimes. i'm going shopping again on saturday. i decided to kill my credit card because i probably won't get another opportunity to buy clothes for awhile and i'm sick of looking like trailer trash (even though i live in a trashy trailer). i also want to make some t-shirts that me and walter designed on a napkin. i need to call him and see if he still has the list. the only one i remember was supposed to say "The Start Time is My Key" on the sleeve. That always cracked me up.

nature humps a vacuum

The puritans thought that God decided whether or not a person would be going to heaven before they were born, so it didn't matter what they did in their lives. Kind of like Rasputin thought that in order to be forgiven (and saved) first, you had to sin. So he sinned a lot and told people it was good for his soul. That's kind of weird to think about. Puritans going around stealing and adultering and setting things on fire (in my imagination, there are a lot of pyromaniac puritans) and then still being saints. Or other people going around doing good deeds and being helpful and giving money to the poor and saving kids that got caught in the puritans' blazes and then being damned. I don't really get how that was supposed to work, and my history book is being somewhat unhelpful. It talks about the religion of the pilgrims for about 2 sentences for each group. It says the quakers believed that anyone could talk to God and therefore priests and ministers are uneccessary. Kind of sounds like a bunch of kids trying to form a club without electing a president. Guess it worked out for them though- they're still sellin oats and whatnot. Hmm.. I suppose all that cannibalism didn't affect the puritans' holy status either. This history book makes the indians (excuse me, native americans) seem a lot meaner than the cowering tree-huggers portrayed in my former history books. These indians brain babies and get violent sometimes. I like that better, it seems more accurate. Yeah, they were massacred and died by the millions, but I always thought they must have at least tried to fight back. The version where they were just trying to be friends with the settlers never quite felt right to me. Made them seem real dim witted. Like "You just shot my entire family and took everything I own, but we can still get along, right?"
I actually didn't have anything to say in this blog,  that's why I'm rambling about my history book again. John Bill took back his Playstation so I can't watch Buffy at my house anymore and my mom is using the TV at her house. I feel all Buffy deprived. That happens when I go without for 12 hours. I've timed it.
Oh, hey, I almost forgot. We got rid of our rooster! I don't have to extract zygotes from my eggs anymore!! And I can sleep later that 6 am. Its great.