little libertine

I read this:

I used to work the night shift at a factory over the summer (I'm 19), and this 30-year-old coworker managed to hook up on myspace at least a few times.

Apparently it's not that hard, as he wasn't a real catch or anything. He was fat, came into work stoned/drunk a lot, didn't pay child support... and let this vagrant chick stay at his apartment for a couple days and eventually fucked her with a large baking potato. So I guess if you want to try it, more power to ya. Those myspace chicks can't be all that choosy.

And then I made these:

 

Its my photo essay on MySpace romance.

under the parking garage

i believe i now understand the emotion that demands so much pain that a person could split their tongue without wincing. i realize that some people have a very high pain threshold at all times, but i am not like that. i have a high pain threshold, yes, but it increases ten fold whenever i feel as horrible as i do now. this is what i propose: i shall sever some artery and drain my blood into my bath tub. then i will immerse myself in this blood and  learn to absorb oxygen and nutrients, not internally from my blood vessels like you, but externally across my skin. maybe i will slowly evolve into a new creature- the first mutated human. we will just have to find out.

get your adverbs here

This is Schistosoma masoni, a blood fluke. Its an endoparasite that feeds on the blood vessels around the digestive and urinary tract. This is what I want to be when I grow up. You see how there's a big yellowish blob-worm with a little dark line inside it? That big blob is the male who is shaped like a hot dog bun. The dark line is the female who lives inside him. They copulate constantly. Constantly. They're joined for life, so basically they just live to fuck. I want to be one of these so I can live in a blood vessel near someone's bladder and have lots of sex (but no children- the eggs are shed in the host's urine and feces and then develop in snails. The snail is like the nanny I suppose), and never be alone or have to do anything responsible. Except I'd want to be the male. I am currently accepting applications for the part of Female or Host. Pay will be in either blood or pain, depending on position, the hours are constant and the duration is life.

reguritation minimalization

some more bad poetry:

Amber Stars in a Whale Sky

Its not fair to have been a sacrifice.
Tied me down
Burned me up.
What did I get from it?
Put the needles in me
Give me more pills
Jump rope
Until it snaps.
Throw me down
And look me over
One hellish joyride
After another.
Stop the stars
They are lodged in my brain
Dig them out with the eel spoon
Dig deeper
Make it bleed.

let's all suck batteries

its really boring in the gym and all that exercise causes discomfort and sweaty-ness, but i still keep going. why? well, i've compiled a list of things i do in the gym to make it more interesting.
1. try to make the wall change colors with my mind
2. attempt to have an out of body experience
3. shock myself on the metal part of the treadmill
4. mutter along with my music. (it isn't full singing, but i still get stares, especially during songs like Serrated Edge.. "me on a hilltop with 15 girls and a Nelson Riley orgy that'll make your hair curl. I don't piss, I don't shit, I'm gettin' no relief. People shake their heads in disbelief.")
5. try to see pictures in the spots on the wall. (i found a duck-headed lamb with wings who is either playing a flute or smoking a cigar.)
6. try to project the image of a girl having sex with a pony into other people's minds.
7. make up funny names for people i see on a regular basis (big guy with bad form, insane peppy man who is overly affectionate, mr. red shorts, etc...)
8. try to outlast the person on the machine next to me
9. try to outsweat the person on the machine next to me (i always win)
10. try to talk to my dead ancestors.
11. look into the eyes of my reflection and see if i can locate my own soul.
12. put my wrists together behind the bike seat and pretend they are tied there. it hurts, but its fun.

i guess you could say its the mindless idiocy that keeps me going back.

another reason to stay dehydrated

I want to lick my stapler, I want to scream until there are no screams left, I want to scream louder, I want to run faster, I want to sit in a deep dirt hole until I'm forgotten, I want to be buried alive, I want to eat a pair of pants and have intestinal difficulties, I want to stab myself in the neck with a fork, I want to see the sun rise and set in a single night, I want to hear a voice that didn't originate in me, I want to find my missing sock, I want to go to the mall and not feel like a freak, I want to go to a church and not feel like a slut, I want a pair of jeans that fits perfectly, I want my skin to spontaneously sprout needle points whenever a boy talks to me, I want to burn down all the hospitals, I want to eat pussy, I want to jump off a cliff and discover I can fly, I want to jump off a hospital and discover I can't fly, I want to hang from a high tree and sway gently in the wind, I want to rot in the sea and nourish the marine life, I want to put a live squirrel up my ass, I want to swallow a live octopus and not have intestinal difficulties, I want to be loved, I want to be noticed, I want to be ignored, I want to have sex with a dead body, I want to get high, I want to see another dimension, I want to leave my body and inhabit another, I want to cut deep until I hit bone, I want to bathe in blood, I want to remove all my toenails with an old pair of tweezers and a rusty knife, I want an infection,  I want to climb a tree, I want to read, I want to be young again, I want to give my enemies herpes, I want to ride in an elevator with a janitor and not want blow him, I want to shoot a dog in the head and then remove its brain through its nose, I want to assfuck a midget while I have dog brain under my nails, I want to see my baby grow up, I want to leave this country, I want to be in debt to someone deserving, I want to have a facial tic, I want to be famous, I want to be useless, I want to die, I want to hate, I want to go to school naked and have no one notice.
I just want to do something.

copyright infringement is your best entertainment value

i'm having a very bad day. my air conditioner broke for the 5th time and John won't stop harassing me. He has a car now so he's just been "dropping by" all weekend even though i told him several times to leave me alone cause i'm working on my term papers. He lives on the other side of town, about 30 minutes away. And when he isn't here bothering me, he's calling me incessantly! i think i have 20 missed calls from him from just this weekend- the weekend that i specifically requested he NOT call me during, yes, that one. i don't know what his problem is.  Maybe he's trying to see if he can push me over the edge like that time i left to go to the library and ended up in amarillo with a trucker. (a nice trucker, not a sleazy one. and i saw snow so it wasn't all bad). And why is it so effing hot in here?!! (i'm unleashing a string of explitives. use your imagination, its probably far better than mine.) so in summary, i still have 2 term papers to write and 3 tests to study for and a psycho-stalker ex who won't leave me alone, but that doesn't matter because the freakish heat will kill me before midterms. (more explitives)

me and my energy

i'm not happy. i am very unhappy. my air conditioner broke today and its really really hot outside. why is it hot in october? why? WHY??!!!! my house works like a little greenhouse and traps the heat inside. so now its 95 degrees in here and much cooler outside even though i have all manner of fans on and every window open. it got up to 98 degrees in here this afternoon but then i abandoned ship and went next door. i want to sleep tonight and that doesn't look like its gonna happen. i can't sleep in the heat. i just get all sad and sticky. I need to move to canada right now, or at least go northward. I had a weird little moment of confusion today in the heat. I thought for a minute that i was back in high school and i was like "screw the homework, i'm going to desi's house!" but alas, desi doesn't live here anymore and screwing the homework is no longer an option.
 homework=life.