reply the freezer

this has got to be the shittiest birthday ever. i spent the bulk of the day propped up in a chair watching matlock and star trek and getting drunk from toaster strudel. i'm tired and sore and angry and i just want it to end already! i want my morphine button back! goddammit!! i don't think i'm going to have this birthday. that's right, i'm refusing to age until i'm well again. i'm sending this crappy birthday back to the kitchen and i'm just gonna wait until a better one can be provided for me. hopefully one with strippers and booze and friends and daytime clothes. i'm going to the rheumatologist early early tomorrow. hopefully he'll have some insight as to what this elevated ANA and joint pain is all about. i've only been waiting 14 frikkin years for someone to check my joints!! and if he says lupus i reserve the right to beat his fucking head in with anything i can find. i don't fucking have fucking lupus!!!! don't even get me started on all the ways i don't have lupus. you'll be here all night. more info on the hepatic granulomas: yes, they heal. whenever the thing that's causing them to be here (systemic infection, diabetes, sarcoidosis, etc..) is identified and cured/treated then they should resolve on their own *whew*. i also have this appointment at the scott and white (read: incompetent fucktard) diagnostic clinic on friday, the 10th. supposedly, they're supposed to diagnose you right then and there on the same day as you go in. it was made for people who don't have time to screw around waiting on tests or being hospitalized. i can't wait to see how they manage to make a huge mess out of my diagnosis. they'll probably say lupus and i'll have to massacre them and barricade myself in the building. good thing i adore SWAT teams; it'll give me something to look forward to. from what i've discovered by researching the internets, these are acceptable suggestions to further investigate: diabetes insipidus, polycystic ovarian syndrome, systemic group b streptococcus infection, tumor on either pituitary gland or hypothalamus, or any sort of endocrine disorder pretty much. unacceptable suggestions include: depression, any sort of STD, HIV, lupus, IBS, hypochondria, or any other kind of trendy or bullshit diagnosis. and if they even dare to suggest that i just take some motrin and see if it gets better i will, i swear to you, i will fucking eat their brains.