an excellent year for toothpaste

*sigh* the hardest part of starting over is the starting over part. my mom spent all day on the phone calling every single endocrinologist in the whole state of texas pretty much. so far, either they aren't taking new patients, aren't taking medicaid, or aren't answering their phones. in short: they're all jerks. she tried to get me into the university hospital at san antonio, but they aren't taking medicaid either. poopheads. finally, she called medicaid and asked them to give her the numbers to all the endocrinologists who *do* take medicaid and guess what- there aren't any! or at least medicaid doesn't have a list of them. i tell you, they exist, but are terribly elusive like the leprechaun! medicaid did give my mom the names and numbers of some gynecologists she could call cause sometimes they're useful for endocrine disorders, too... sometimes... but they could only give her three names at a time. (what kind of bullshit system is that?!) finally, finally, finally, i have an appointment with a Dr. Jennifer Jacobs in san antonio for september 27th. she's a gynecologist so i'm not too hopeful because they seem to be the most incompetent of all incompetent docs. i mean, when they lose competence, they lose it *all the way*!!! the last gynecologist i went to told me that my problems were beyond her scope and sent me to a general practitioner who said that i would be better served by a gynecologist and sent me... right back to the gynecologist who referred me back to the general practitioner. just like pong. but that was scott and white with their dedication to counterproductivity. i've got my fingers crossed that this woman will know what she's doing at least enough to find out something. i just need my insulin, androgen, and estrogen levels checked! its not like i'm asking for anything difficult or expensive! check the fucking levels and then tell me i don't have a endocrine disorder!! stupid cunts!! how can you know if you haven't checked!!??? *deep breaths*

something weird happened the other night that i haven't had the opportunity to mention: you know how somethimes when you're alone you get a creepy feeling like someone else is there even though they aren't? well, i got that feeling right before i went to bed while i was in the bathroom and i said "hey, if anyone is in here then they should move that rubber duck". it didn't move and i went to bed. i got up a little while later to pee and the duck was still where it goes, but the next morning when i went in there again, the duck had been scooted about 3 feet to the right. at first i thought it was the cat, but why the fuck would a cat scoot a duck? my place is haunted.