a boat named switzerland

just a few notes:

i was watching matlock today and during one scene he and his assistants are sitting at his table having a discussion while he makes a sandwich. that's not unusual, but what was unusual was what kind of sandwich he was making. he kept scooping more and more relish on white bread and then he added hamburger dill chips and the long pickle slices- like vlassic stackers. there was a jar of peanut butter on the table, so i guess that was going on it, too. what a strange old man.

everybody left and i'm supposed to be taking care of the animals. problem is, i'm pretty much crippled. i got a pinched nerve in my hip last night and then my legs just gave out and i fell on the same hip *three times* while attempting to feed the pets. fuckity fucking fuckers! now its all swollen and my legs still keep giving out. my lungs haven't been behaving either- they keep refusing to inflate for some reason. i told my parents about 4 times i'm in no shape to be looking after their barnyard but they left me in charge anyway. now i don't know what to do. i don't want to collapse outside and get heat exhaustion (i can't be in the sun for more than 10 minutes) but i don't want the animals to starve either. why couldn't those bastards just have hired a pet sitter or something? told you my parents were assholes, and if i didn't, i'm telling you now. looks like this is a job for oxycodone! too bad there's only 3 left...

...but hey! ryan is here! i don't know if he can help feed the pets, i'm already having him clean the house and help me with my pets. seems really unfair to dump all that responsibility on him just cause my jerk parents dumped it on me. not to mention that he's here working, not on vacation, so he's already gone for 8 or 9 hours a day. at least if i do collapse and die of exposure there'll be someone to call the morgue before i start getting all rotted and discolored and bloated in the sun too bad. like a day-old dead orange roughy. flies will probably lay their eggs in my nose, but that's okay, i like parasites.

the Pee Quest didn't go so great. the pee jug they gave me wasn't big enough so it was only a 20 hour urine collect. means i'll probably have to do it again. but in my research, i found a simple test for acute porphyrias. all you have to do is leave some urine in the sun and see if it changes funny colors. its not fool-proof, but it'll give me a better idea of where i stand since it looks like i might have to wait until the end of the month when my parents get home to do another Pee Quest. the lab said it would be "too late" by then and that's why they wanted me to do it now. too late?! too late for what? am i gonna die in 3 weeks that i don't know about?! or does the test only work on august pee? geez, these people are stupid. even if dr. pruett turns out to know her stuff, i still might not be able to get anything done because her staff are all 'tards. that should be scott and white's motto: bringing you the best doctors and slapstick comedians since 1952.