subsequent belching mandatory

when i was a christian, the pastor at my church loved to tell anecdotes to drive home important messages. he told one about a family who quit the church and a few days later, their house burned down with their child inside. obviously, the moral here is "don't turn your back on God, He must be supervised around flammable objects at all times." the pastor had another story to remind us to listen to our conscience, which is supposedly the voice of God urging us to do His will through our actions. The moral here, simply put is "God works through people, so be an instrument of the Lord." this is about how it went:

there was a very religious (protestant, of course) marine taking a college course. his professor was an outspoken atheist. this professor, although the subject he taught was not religion, would occaisionally lecture the class on why there was no God. if you've been to college you know this isn't unusual; instructors like to pass along any "real world knowledge" they think might aid or enlighten their students. my geology teacher liked to lecture us on politics and law occaisionally, for example. most students just smile and nod and either ignore this unsolicited information or tuck it away for possible later use. but the marine had the hand of God working in him and the next time his professor started mouthing off about how God doesn't exist because if He *did* exist "He would strike me down right here!" that marine (under the influence of God) stood up, walked to the podium, and punched that loud-mouthed professor, knocking him unconscious.

so, *that's* what Jesus would do, eh? and the strange part is, when i heard this story the first time, in church, i didn't notice anything wrong with it. i leave you with my own moral: "Never underestimate the danger of a religious fanatic, and remember: the delusion can be contagious."