the other cars are just a state of mind

had my EEG today. they wanted me sleep-deprived, so i got 2 hours of sleep. i get really sick with less than four hours. so i showed up at the hospital stumbling, nauseous, light-headed, and already having my seizure/convulsions at 9:15 am. i continued having them all during the registration and payment, then into the main lobby where i had to wait an hour while they tried to correct some "technical difficulties" and still had them when i went back to have the EEG around 10:30 am. i had them while the tech was gluing sensors to my head and getting her machine ready. i was worried they would stop before we got finished with all the waiting and preparation and then she would be unable to take a good reading of what one does to my brain. does it affect brain waves (indicating seizure) or just muscle (indicating movement disorder)? but no, i kept having them during the test, too.
the test was unpleasant. not horrible, but not much fun. i had to hyperventilate (made me convulse) and then go to sleep which i couldn't do on command even though i was exhausted. then i had to close my eyes while a bright strobe light flashed in my face. that's the part i liked the least. some of the strobes made me convulse and that was very uncomfortable. with the hyperventilation, at least i could've stopped it if i'd really wanted to before she said "time". but with the lights, i already had my eyes closed and when i convulse i lose control of my arms, so i couldn't raise a hand to block the light either. ryan was there and he said when the lights made me twitch, all the little bars on the screen went really really high. we don't know what that means exactly, and won't until the doctor interprets it for me on the 23rd of may. but at least now i know that some lights make my bars go high.
when i got home, i had to take a really long shower and wash all the glue out of my hair. and guess what? i'm still having seizures. so, sleep deprivation and brakkie don't mix. remember that.
tomorrow, my dad is taking me to austin to buy ingredients for me to make my own rat food with. and the baby ratters will be one week old!! i got a peek of them today by bribing their mom, penny, with a hard-boiled egg. they have soft little rat fuzz and color patterns. if she would let me i would pick them up and cuddle them and see if they are boys or girls. i won't cause i don't want to upset penny, not when she's just starting to warm up to me. she's extremely curious about my hand, especially now that she knows it brings the food. she licks me and nibbles me and stands on my hand with her front paw to sniff my arm. she even lets me pet her a tiny bit sometimes. i'm not going to even try to pick her up until she lets me pet her a lot. that may be awhile, but i have plenty of time.