corporate gumball mouse

our society is incapable of producing a decent human being. people betray and people are wrong. i know i'm not a decent human being. i like the idea that our race is like a plague of locusts that will overtake and destroy the planet, making it ready for new lifeforces. i also like the idea that our society is swiftly collapsing and when it does we will be forced to assume a hunter/gatherer lifestyle. something more in tune with mother nature or another fruity, nonsensical, personification. like gaia from captain planet, maybe. when that happens, we'll all have to embrace anarchy and only the strong will survive. i'll probably die early on, assuming this happens during my lifetime. i'll be glad for that, too, because i expect that mostly the assholes will survive and i'd rather not be a part of a society comprised entirely of illiterate apemen (and women). i'm already part of a community where they seem to be in the majority.

there's this song by the jazz butcher conspiracy about a guy who murders his girlfriend and buries her in an onion field becuase she's too good and pure for the world. sometimes i daydream about having a boyfriend who, like the character in the song, recognizes my purity and consequent incompatibility with the rest of society. i think i'd like him to drown me in tepid rosewater or something else tragicly romantic before desecrating and eviscerating my corpse. i wouldn't like to be buried in an onion field, though. i'd rather be weighted and thrown to the hagfish in the ocean, where my mass could be recycled as fuel for those slimy creatures and become a part of their ecosystem. of course none of this will ever happen because i'm not actually too pure or too good for this world and my perceived discordance with the rest of society is probably just a construct of my own imagination or a consequence of spending too many years in isolation.

i don't think humans are inherently evil, but i do believe that there is an inherent wrong in the human mind, something akin to original sin, that causes people to behave the way they do. this flaw makes me sad, but it is comforting to realize that i am not immune.