i'm tired of the things around me dying. Death's been close several times over the past few months. i've felt him, i've seen him. and i've watched him take from those around me. each time it feels as if he's giving me a whispery kiss that means "don't be confused, someday soon i'll be coming for you". its about the bunny, and its not about the bunny. the bunny is a feeder rabbit for my roommate's 9ormore ft. long boa. she's been eating rats her whole life and didn't know what to do with the bunny, so she injured him, but didn't feed. little animals keep being brought into my house to die and it leaves a stain on the place, like bad karma... or bad coffee. i just keep thinking about the bunny in there (in the bathtub with the snake right now) and how frightened and alone it is. and how it must be in pain. and i know there's absolutely nothing i can do but wait and see if the snake changes her mind or if i have to try to put the bunny back together.
its not all about the bunny... its about life. my life and how worthless it all is. i can't look back to my past because all i see there is waste and disappointment and the repeated betrayal of everyone i've ever come in contact with. the happiest day of my life wasn't my wedding day, or the day my daughter was born, it was the day i asked a drug dealer (brother of a friend) for tylenol and received opiates instead. those were the most blissful hours of my existence and they were spent with a plastic rhinocerous who i felt great affection for. the bunny makes me feel helpless, forces me to face what a waste i am. the bunny makes me small.
gimme back my rhinocerous
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