foreign piece of lung

i got that salmonella from the peanut butter, and i'm still not doing too well. i think the salmonella is gone but something else is wrong now. i keep getting these weird prickly feelings on my back, kind of like ants crawling around and biting me. i also get all dizzy and i'm pretty sure my vision is going. everything looks like an abstract painting half the time. my skin's drying up and flaking off, too, and i can't seem to stop it. i used an entire tube of super-extra-expensive-strength hand creme on my face yesterday and its still all bleh. i have old people hands. :( i really hope this means i'm going to die and isn't just another round of health problems that i'm going to have to learn to live with like the arthritis and the stomach problems that i already had, and that weird thing where i have to drink 2 gallons of water a day, or the salt cravings. cause those suck enough without back prickles, picasso vision, and grandma skin added. what's that you say? you think i should seek professional help? you think i might need a doctor now that my health has reached such lows? that would be the natural conclusion, i suppose, but i have no health insurance. i could get my mom to take me to see a doctor and pay him/her in cash, but i'm not that stupid. i have experience in these things and i know if you don't have insurance (and sometimes even if you do) the most a doctor will do is tell you he/she has no idea what could possibly be wrong with you, offer a useless prescription (usually motrin or an antihistamine), and send you on your way. its a complete waste of time and money and other resources to go see a doctor. unless you just really need giant motrin pills. so i'm left in the sad state of not being able to go back to school (i tried this morning and was met with utter failure) and having a host of funky symptoms to deal with. maybe i can name my invisible ants and when people see me slapping at my back, i can say "that's just ralph". it could be seen as quirky and endearing, you never know.

editor's note: this blog marks the beginning of the sickie saga. 02/15/07

hello floyd

i don't think i like novels anymore. all that frothy, poetic language used to describe everyday thoughts and actions makes the characters in these books seem lethargic. the great ball of lethargy slowly building in my own head lends me sympathy to their plight, but i do not believe that misery loves company. as the novel progresses, the characters get more and more burdened with words, thoughts, and descriptions of the scenery through which they travel. its amazing these people can even move, much less act out their part in the story, whether heroic, tragic, or comedic. i'm amazed they have any energy left after sitting and contemplating.. well, everything in their whole fictitious universe. that's why i generally read trashy sci-fi and non-fiction books about field expeditions. at least things happen in those stories. at least people move instead of sinking slowly beneath the sea of words, being gradually drowned in a mist of concrete language.
 
i saw something eyebrow-raising in my World Religions textbook yesterday. in the chapter on Hinduism, it describes a ritual sacrifice of a horse, "Finally, the sacred horse was strangled and the wives of the raja participated in fertility rights with the body of the horse." does that mean they fucked a dead horse? Or is there some other way to interpret the vague usage of the phrase "fertility rights"? help me out here.

you remember my sister death video i posted the link to a few blogs back? apparently over 90 people viewed it and i only got 3 comments. it makes me paranoid thinking about strangers wandering around my photobucket account, rubbing their greasy eyeballs all over my "art" (using the term very loosely). if i had known it would be so popular, i wouldn't have posted it at all. i'm guessing, due to the lack of comments, that most people did not appreciate my video but rather found it unsettling, something to gawk at- like a car accident. if that was the case, then maybe i'm glad i got so little in the way of feedback, after all. i have more videos now, but am unsure if i should post links to them or not. would that be a good idea? i don't know...  
my car finally died yesterday. big cloud of smoke, loud noise, and it was dead. or at least, i'm too afraid to drive it while its smoking and clacking and convulsing in its death throes. i might have convinced it to go a few more feet. the truck i borrow as a back-up vehicle is also dead (actually dead this time, no amount of key-turning or shouting will get it to work). battery. i can get a ride to and from school, but otherwise am stuck at home. my dirty little shack in the woods. so... who wants to buy me a car?

tainted government gorillas

hayley is 4 now!! yay for hayley!! we took her to chuck e. cheese and it was awful. i hated it there. they didn't have the ball pit or the tunnels on the ceiling and the pizza's not very good. plus creepy guy in mouse suit. i wanted to naughty-touch him oddly enough, though. i think she had fun, she poked the plastic mouse in his ear and played a bunch of games. i made a whole bunch of cupcakes and there was a ton of extra frosting, so i stole a vat of it. (btw, how big does a container have to be before you can call it a vat?) now my car is dead so i have to stay home. i'm going to just eat the entire vat tonight and vomit profusely. that'll be just like driving somewhere, right? also, i lost more weight and now none of my pants fit. its getting silly how big they are. so... who wants to buy me some pants?

2007 ford giblet

today i went to my chemistry lab for the first time and it wasn't there. after further inquiry, i discovered that the chemistry lab never existed and i had somehow registered for a fictitious lab. i knew that my school was just make-believe. i knew it all along. the supposedly real chemistry labs all conflicted with my schedule, so now i have dropped chemistry and am taking pre calculus instead. and i've already missed the first 3 classes, so good fucking luck to me!!! i have propane, and thus heat, again but my fuse blew *again*, so the majority of my electric outlets are nonfunctional. and the box with all the wires keeps sparking. its kind of pretty, but in a fire hazardly way. the gym at my school is keeping weird hours now that semester has started again, so i don't know how i'm going to make it there everyday. but on the plus side, they've decided to be open for half a day on saturday. i may have to stop drinking on friday nights and get up early saturday to lift weights. poo, less alcohol. i need a new gym. and a new house. one that isn't an impending explosion.

does anyone want to adopt me?

rudby lichen

its a bad week. the heater ran out of propane tuesday night and despite numerous calls and much harassment, the tank has not yet been replenished. i'm huddled in my bedroom with a space heater and a cat, trying desperately to keep warm using my mindpower. i was supposed to start classes this week, but due to the "inclement weather" (a few ice patches and some frozen rain-big fucking deal) most of my classes were canceled. my world religion class met twice, but the instructor decided to go over the syllabus both times instead of doing anything interesting out of consideration to the students who couldn't make it to class. he never stopped to consider the students who *did* show up, the ones who *did* brave the harsh conditions and possibly risk their lives in the pursuit of knowledge, oh no, he decided to cater to the lazy bums who didn't care enough to drag their sorry asses out of bed. i wanted to stay in bed, too. did he ever consider that? of course not. its a community college. on wednesday, my power box thing blew a fuse and wouldn't reset so most of my power outlets were useless. i had to yoink the power strip from my computer so i could plug in my heater, alarm clock, etc... out of the one working outlet in my bedroom (which, incidentally, does not have a door and is very difficult to trap heat in). i'm posting this from a borrowed laptop. its saturday night and i'm sitting in my ice cave/house growing increasingly despondent because i have nowhere to go and no one to be with and i left my book at the barracks last night. no, that's not another story. there is no story about what i was doing in the barracks. its warm(er) there and i was taking advantage of that fact. that is all. i think i'll go to wal-mart: land of the lonely, suicidal, and physically deformed.

hide in the bread

something really creepy just happened. i was on the myspace and this girl sent me a message: "I like your profile! are you bi? do you have aim or yhaoo?" i checked out her page and she looked like a huge skank, but i thought what the hell, i'll talk to her for practice. (i'm not that good at talking to girls.) i added her to my messenger and immediately she starts talking about meeting up with me. like now, tonight. i explained to her that i just had a cold and wasn't really interested in meeting anyone right now. she said that was okay and that she had a rule about meeting people off myspace. i asked her what it was, and she said

"well peopla on myspace keep lying to me, like ALOT...soooo my new rule is before ill meet someone from myspace, they have to meet this hot ass guy i know first and mess around with him some so i know they are for real....its only once, it will only take u like 15 mins, and u never have to see him again...ill even send u his pic if u want.....and them im all urs"

that's the craziest thing i've ever heard. first of all, she hadn't even given me an opportunity to lie to her, just jumped right in asking to meet me. secondly, some hot ass guy? i mean, wtf srsly! after i told her i wasn't that interested in meeting her, she left in a big hurry. weird and disturbing, huh?

kiddie truck jamboree

this is my lameass new year's blog. last night i wanted to be out on 6th street getting trashed and worrying about tear gas, but i have this cold that just won't let go. i've had it for a few weeks and it looks like i'll be living with it for at least a week more. i tried going out last night to the house of a friend of a friend, but she was experiencing "drama difficulties". as far as i could gather there was some dispute about a break-up and possibly a back-stab with a guy who was either living close by or just standing around outside. plus, there was a lot of smoking in that apartment so i instantly lost my voice the moment i set foot in the door. (to the sweet teenage boy with the large textbook: if you're reading this, i'm sorry i couldn't answer you. i wasn't snubbing you or anything. i really had no voice. but you kind of made me nostalgic for my large textbooks.) no one was having fun there, so i left with aforementioned friend and took our large supply of alcohol home for personal consumtion. this didn't work either. i tried to pretend to be healthy enough to drink, but i wasn't. i choked down some scotch, but only succeeded in making myself slightly nauseous and very very tired. i settled for some buffy and fritos. midnight came and went, i squeaked happy new year, and passed out. i don't feel too well this morning, as i knew i wouldn't. i'm like a big snot monster. i am going to the gym later today, though. it's been closed since december 21st. no, this isn't a new year's resolution thing- this is an endorphin thing. and my body just feels and functions better if i give it 2 to 3 hours of exercise a day. i'm going to my mom's house for lunch (she makes ham and black-eyed peas and stuff) and then i'll go see how much muscle i lost with my holiday laziness.
my new year's may sound like no fun, but something cool did happen: my dad finally hooked up my washer and dryer. so i can do laundry in my house now. i don't say this much but Booyah!!